Introducing: Widget!
The time has finally come to get exactly what you need! Here’s a brand new fancy widget that will guide you to succeed!
This widget is the key to surely open every door! For even at its mention you’ll be granted more and more!
Your widget is a life raft here to save you out a sea. And with this special widget, you will even surpass me!
I’m definitely not kidding, this is not some kind of bluff! For when you hold the widget it will make you super tough!
You’ll instantly be dreamy with the widget that you hold. And if you hold it long enough, you’ll never become old!
Now you may ask, “what is better than eternal life?” Well, you lonely person, this widget also grants a wife!
Or 2, or 9, or 20, if that’s what you’re looking for! And don’t you pay attention as it hollows out your core.
As it robs you of humanity, and rots away your bones. And makes you weak and ugly and a liar as you moan.
Then I will go beyond you, and leave you out at sea. And after that I’ll trap you, and then I’ll throw away the key.
There’s nothing that can save you as I toss you down a hole. Because the price of this fair widget, was your cheap, unguarded soul.
